If I had A Time Machine

If I had a time machine, what would I do with it?

Where would I go?

I would most definitely visit the year 2012 or maybe 2011 because that was where and when things started falling apart. It was when I first fell. But if I want to be exact or accurate then I would visit one particular day in 2012 and change things as much as I could or maybe just one thing.

I told myself so many times that I wouldn’t want to change anything about my past or my life.

I made this promise because whenever I think deeply about my life I have no idea who I would be without my pain, my challenges, and the trauma that put me where I am now. No matter what angle I visualised, I always come up with the same conclusion, nowhere, no one.

So what changed my view about time travelling?

The answer is simple, I had another life changing experience. I had a baby. For him, I would go back in time and change things if I could. If I had a time machine I would travel back to that day, April 11, 2012 and see what I could change to make sure I didn’t experience that turnaround.

I still can’t figure out what part of the day brought me here or maybe I have to change the whole day. Or maybe all I needed was just one or two events because I have come to realise that when you have someone you love so much than life itself then you will do everything for them to make them happy and comfortable.

Life as an unbalanced mother is never balance.

There is always the fear of falling, slipping, tripping and even injuring your baby when this happens. Or what happens to your baby if something should happen to you. The worst is the fear of not being able to catch your baby if he falls or watch him slip or trip because you can’t get to him on time to save him or help him.

There was one day my baby was sqautting in the doorway, on the threshold, his hand was on the pavement I could see the door coming, closing, but I couldn’t get to him on time to save him. Three of his fingers were badly bruised. there was this look on his face that stayed with me for a while like he knew I didn’t get to him on time.

So if I had a time machine I would stay in bed all day that day, I wouldn’t go out and I’d still have my leg. My pelvis would be intact and there would be no persistent waist pain torturing me all day

Then I would be able to hold my baby, rock him and take him on a walk.

There would be no need to live in endless fear of not being able to protect him. If I had a time capsule I would stop that truck from hitting me.

The only problem is even if I had it I wouldn’t know what part of that day to change. Maybe my fate was even sealed a long time before it came to fulfilment.

One Reply to “If I had A Time Machine”

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