I Remember- A Short Story

I remember this story when I was going to work this morning. With everything going on I couldn’t help it.

There is so much going on in the world right now that if we are not careful, we might get sucked into the anxiety, panic and uncertainties around us.

As much as I want to keep writing about Coronavirus, it’s effects, updates and all. I thought it would be a relief to share other things like stories to help keep our minds off the serious issues.

It would make our stay at home a little fun

I first published this story on African Writer four years ago.

I was thinking about this social distancing, isolation, quarantine and remember how they have been a part of my life for eight years until recently.

Then I remember how it all began. So, I decided to share the story here too. If it is not here, this blog is not complete.

I Remember by Olufunke Kolapo
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So let me tell you the story of how it all began …

I remember her eyes. There was something eerie about them. I can almost see her now like I did four years ago.

She was dark and thin, but there was strength in those eyes, in their depth; the way she blinked and widened them… I still get goose bumps whenever I remember them.

She was feeble but her upper arms were strong; thin but steady like her icy eyes.

I was about to jump into the waiting cab when our eyes met. Mine held, even when hers dropped to straighten her floral skirt.

I hardly stare or take much notice of strangers but for some reason, I was glued to that spot.

I was frozen. Now, when I think of it, I still have no idea why I paused.

When she looked up, I looked away, embarrassed like a child caught peeping through a key hole.

Then I saw a young man, maybe her brother, judging from the same set of full upper lips and oversized nose; he looked worn out in dirty jeans and a faded t-shirt as he held her wheelchair.

I stepped back to give him room, just realising then that I was blocking the cab.

I couldn’t stop myself from watching their well mastered performance of moving her from the car to the chair.

How she folded and shrank her body into a ball, her hands hugging her chest to make it easier for him to lift her into the wheelchair.

I was enthralled.

Then our eyes met again. I turned and hurried on to get another cab even as the driver was calling me to come back.

As I was about to step onto the cab, I glanced back and our eyes met, again. Hers hardened and then widened, with contempt? I have no idea.

I wondered why at first, then I realised she must find it irritating. I wished then that I could show her my thoughts. Or maybe she was offended that I didn’t take the cab? I sighed and closed the door.

I tried not to look to my right as I rode to lecture, but I couldn’t stop my head from wandering to her.

I pictured her bathing, dressing, growing from girlhood to womanhood.

I wondered if she had a boyfriend. Will she have children, know the joy of motherhood? Then I saw another boy hopping on one leg and a wooden crutch.

I wondered what happened to him too; was he born that way, or in an accident? How does he survive each day knowing tomorrow would be the same?

What does he do when in danger? Who looks out for him? Who takes care of them all?

I had so many questions in my head as we drove on. How do one live on knowing you can hardly live or do anything by yourself without help from someone else.

I am an independent person. I love being able to do things on my own and by myself. Would I ever be able to live that way? Would I be able to go on knowing it would be like that everyday?

I didn’t have to wait for long to find out, as I didn’t return to my home or bed until four months later.

I spent those months in a surgical ward with a front row view watching “Behind the Scenes of an Amputee’s Life”.

Now, I know.

Because it is my life now. And I am still in it.

This Too Shall Come To Pass

A COVID-19 POEM

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This too shall come to pass. The pandemic, COVID-19 along with the pain, affliction, anxiety, isolation it brought along with it. They will all come to pass.

They will be forgotten and become things of the past because nothing last forever. Every beginning must have an end.

Samuel Ayobami Ogunsola wrote a poem to encourage and remind us in this dark times, that this too shall pass. We shall overcome it together like we always do.

This Too Shall Come To Pass (A COVID-19 Poem)

The heart is crumbling
The soul is weeping
Death rate is rising Over human race
People brimmed with fear
Sorrows and tears
The deceased weep on
For their sorrowful death

I slept at night
I woke at dawn to find the virus at my door step
Without a thought
I banged my door
It is here
It has spread from China to France, Italy,
The United states
Now it has landed in my Mother land

Without a travel ticket
It has traveled across the globe in planes and boats.

But it only came for a visit
It has not come to stay
It only stays when you welcome it
Shut all windows
Shut all doors
Leave no openings
Do not let it into yours homes
And it will leave on his own

Just as influenza, bubonic(The Black Death)
and Ebola came for a visit but now they had crawled back into their caves
For they are not allowed to stay with us
We fought them bravely
We overcame
We won the battle against the viral diseases that came to destroy our race

Let's not loose hope
Hold on to your faith
Covid-19 has not come to stay
Just like the others
This too shall come to pass


Written by

Samuel Ayobami Ogunsola

Stay at home; Stay safe




Top 5 Ways To Overcome Writer’s Block

Graham Greene called writer’s block a “Creative Blockage” one that prevented him from seeing the development of a story, or even at times, its start.

What is Writer’s Block?

Writer’s block is a state of total lack of creative sense. It is like utter emptiness or blackness in a writer’s mind.

Your well of creativity is completely dry, your head becomes a deep dark pitch of nothingness.

You can’t come up with any idea or even a title. You have all this nameless or faceless people running about on your mind. Buy you can’t do anything with them.

For me, sometimes I have an idea but I can’t come up with a start or a middle. And sometimes it is absence of everything.

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I have been suffering from writer’s block for a while now. It is frustrating, annoying and paralysing.

It’s as if I forgot how to use my limbs or that I ever had them. If you have ever experienced it before, you would understand.

When I read some of the poems I wrote years back and some of my other works, I wondered if I actually wrote them. They are so strange because now I can’t write anything close.

So, what are the causes of Writer’s Block?

Any number of things could bring it on, this can be physical, mental or psychological.

It could arise from anxiety, depression, personal problem, trauma, solitude, judgement or criticism, hopelessness, solitude, overanalysing, stress or even a person.

Sometimes when you have written works or years of writing behind you, keeping up with your own standard becomes a burden that could bring on a block.

You kill your ideas before you begin or while at it because you decided they’re not good enough. Frustration sets in and you are blocked.

How Long Does It Last?

It can last anytime from hours to weeks, months, or years. And sometimes it depends on the writer or the actual cause of his creative blockage.

How Can You Overcome Writer’s Block?

Don’t Stop Writing: The mistake I made was I stopped writing. At first I wanted to write more by all means. I wanted to be able to write like I used to. When I couldn’t, I was frustrated. So, I stopped.

Writing is like a muscle that needs to be flexed. When muscles are not used your body interpreted that they are not important.

So, your body stops supporting them and giving them energy. They shrink. The same happens to a writer who stops writing.

Write anything that comes to your mind, anything you see, what you are feeling or maybe what someone beside you is going through. Just write, eventually a good idea will come up.

Get Personal: This is what I did and still doing. I get personal. I started writing about me. My creative blockage came as a result of PTSD- trauma, depression and, anxiety.

I have been writing about it all, my story, my scars, my life after the trauma. The good, the bad and the ugly.

And the in between too, there are lots of stories, experiences, healing, friendship, loyalty, betrayal, hope, hopelessness and more.

While at it, go out more, see people, socialise, go to parties, do things that you don’t do before. Breathe, walk, feel, be happy.

There are so many people who can learn from those things that made you, you and the ones that remoulded you. Write about them!

Write Reviews: Write reviews of books, novels, plays. You can do same for products, ones you have used or love. You can write them in form of recommendations or even critics.

Write About Your Passion: You can write about something you love or someone. And it could be something you used to love, show why you stopped loving them and how that makes you feel.

It could be a hobby too, travelling, hiking, painting; they could lead to the beginning of a great story.

Listen to Motivational Speech: This here is to listen to them, not read them. Do it outdoors if possible with your earpiece. Have a writing pad and pen with you.

This is because I’m positive you will definitely gain a lot. It will trigger something in your head and ideas will spill out.

It has happened to the best of all and they overcame it. You will surely do too. Don’t stop writing.

Have you ever experienced Writer’s Block Before? How did you overcome it?










	

20 Inspirational Quotes For International Women’s Day

Today is March 8, The International Women’s Day. A day dedicated to honouring the achievements of women throughout the world.

This day celebrates Women’s movement and struggle for equality as depicted in this year’s theme, “I am Generation Equality: Realizing Women’s Rights.

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Although, no country in the world can boast of the achievement of gender equality for all, it can’t stop us from celebrating and acknowledging Women’s Day.

This is became every year we celebrate we renew the hope and believe in equality for all.

And together we can create a gender equal world for all.

So, for this year 2020 International Women’s Day, I have a compiled 20 Inspirational Quotes to motivate us to never stop believing in #EachforEqual. Human rights are women’s rights.

Happy International Women’s Day 2020

1• This is my favorite, “Here’s to strong women; may we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.

2• The best protection any woman can have is courage

Elizabeth Cady Stanton

3• Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim

Nora Ephron

4• She believed she could so she did.

Unknown

5• There is no force more powerful than a woman determined to rise.

W.E.B DUBOIS

6• It’s okay if you fall down and lose your spark. Just make sure that when you get back up, you rise as the whole damn fire.

Colette Warden

7• I am proud of the woman I am today because I went through one hell of a time to become her

Unknown

8• I am grateful to be a woman. I must have done something great in another life

Maya Angelou

9• There is no limit to what we as women can achieve.

Michelle Obama.

10• Human rights are women’s rights, and women’s rights human rights.

Hillary Clinton.

11• A woman is like a teabag, you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.

Eleanor Roosevelt.

12• Most alluring thing a woman can have is confidence.

Beyonce.

13• There’s something about a woman with a loud mind that sits in silence smiling knowing she can crush you with the truth.

R.G Moon

14• Feminism isn’t about making women strong. Women are already strong. It’s about changing the way the world perceives that strength.

R.H Sin

15• What’s the greatest lesson a woman should learn? That since day one she’s already had everything she needs within herself. It’s the world that convinced her she did not.

Rupi Kaur.

16• Be the woman you needed as a girl.

Unknown.

17• Think like a queen. A Queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.

Oprah Winfrey.
20 Inspirational Quotes for International Women’s Day.

18• The age of a woman doesn’t mean a thing. The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.

Ralph Waldo Emerson.

19• We realise the importance of our voice when we are silenced.

Malala Yousafzai.

20• What we women need to do instead of worrying about what we don’t have is just love what we do have.

Cameron Diaz

10 Quotes To Motivate You On Monday

Monday is the back to work day; back to reality, annoying colleagues, dissatisfied boss and all other unpleasantness at work.

Although Monday is the first day after resting for the weekend, it can be the most stressful.

Motivational Monday
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This is mostly due to all the things attached to Monday and the loads work, expectations and goals on it. Appointments, medical or otherwise, job and school interviews are usually on Mondays.

If you want to meet people for the first time at their work place, we usually do this on Monday. I especially do this because I believe everyone would want to be at their jobs at the beginning of a new week.

I understand how the day can fill your heart with dread, anxiety and panic.

This can be harder since you don’t know what else the day could bring especially if you have an impatient boss, a working Mom, and traffic to confront.

It is no wonder that Africans, especially Yorubas believe so much in this day. They believe whatever you start your Monday with determines what you deal with for the rest of the week.

But let us also not forget that Mondays are also for fresh starts.

It is a new beginning, a day that you can start over and do better than the previous week.

So, I have compiled 10 quotes to motivate and inspire you to face your Monday with a positive mind, determination and vigour.

No matter how scary, gloomy or uncertain the future is, it becomes natural, safe and certain when it passes by.

Olufunke Kolapo

If you can dream it, you can do it.

Walt Disney

I hold within me the power to stand tall, to be all I am destined to be. I have within me all I need to be me

Olufunke Kolapo
Motivational Quote

Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.

Napoleon Hill

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop

Confucius

The difference between the impossible and possible lies in a person’s determination.

Tommy Lasords

Not every obstacles can be removed, some you have to step on, some you jump over.

Olufunke Kolapo

Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.

Francesca Reighler

Positive anything is better than negative nothing.

Elbert Hubbard

Every day is the first day of the rest of your life, make it worthwhile.

Olufunke Kolapo
Quote of the day

Be Wary of the Sympathisers

I know sympathisers mean well, they commiserate and comfort in time of misfortune or grief. But at times, one needs to be wary of them.

I feel this way because sometimes sympathisers do more harm than good. And their counsels can be more discouraging than elevating.

It took me a long time to actually understand the depth of my situation, maybe several weeks after I lost my limb.

Life didn’t even allow me to mourn the loss of my limb, my freedom. It made sure I had more to worry about than the actual loss of the limb itself, but my visitors, sympathisers opened my eyes.

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Every day for me was the same, there was no difference, the only difference was my dressing day, it was alternative. That means more agony and tears on one day than the rest.


Apart from that, nothing was different, it was the same thing, the same view, the same faces, the same sound. It was the only world I knew then, the world outside was dead to us.

So when I was not thinking of my pain, I was thinking of the next attack, the next dressing or the heart rending screams of another patient.


The first time I actually took a good look at my left leg was one of those days when the pain was not so intense, and it was not my dressing day.

One of the cleaners bumped into my bed as she was cleaning. I screamed. She apologised, I looked at her, she was an elderly woman. She apologised again and I nodded.

“You are always so quiet,” she said. I said nothing, I just kept staring at her.
“I hope you are not getting depressed?” I shook my head.


“My dear, don’t be despair, the Lord who made you will not let you suffer. He will fulfil His purpose in your life, huh? Don’t think too much about your condition, it is not the end of the world.”

“Don’t dwell on your inability to walk again or think when something happens and your mates are running, you might not be able to run, just concentrate on getting well. “


My face burned when the hot slap landed on my right cheeks. My eyes were burning with unshed tears. They were there but I couldnt make them drop. The rest of her words were lost to me.


There was a loud ringing in my head and strong odour of petrol mixed with engine oil filled my nostrils. My heart started constricting.


And then the tears started coming, I couldn’t stop them. There was everything i had not allowed myself to imagine laid bare before me.

For the first time I wept for something else other than agony. I wept for all I had lost, for all I would never have. I wept for my lost limb.

She just summarised what my life outside this walls would be like. It was the first time I thought of the world out there, my life after South West 1.


I wept for the injustice of it all, my life was not supposed to be like this. I had done everything right, worked hard, studied hard. I had been patient, satisfied with what I have.

It was unbearable. I was quiet all through the day, and I would cry when alone. and for the first time, I wanted to be alone, without my family, but even that was not possible.


When they finally left, I wept for the future I would never have, for all that had been torn from me.

And right there, in the middle of the night, my eyes boring hole into my only view, the tall white ceiling, I refused to allow the present to be my end.

I decided to make it my new beginning. I decided to forget about all my past dreams, life, and make new ones.

But first, I decided to stop heeding to all sermons, pity, sympathisers, well wishers and their counsels.
I stopped paying attention to their suggestions I decided to heal my own way.

I stopped paying attention to all tales of woes, of suffering of people who died in accident, of those who had it worse than I did, or who had it better.

I shut them all out. I told my family to stop letting in people who came wearing sorrowful faces, those who spurn tales of suffering. They were making me sad and miserable, they were not helping me.

And that was when my healing began.


Though they meant well, but sometimes their words and countenance does more harm than good. Their expressions, the pity, sometimes only bring despair.

If I could lessen someone's woe, it would comfort my soul.

I remember when I first got to the ward and some friends came to visit me. I just opened my eyes and saw them. I looked at their faces, so sad, some had tears in their eyes.

And I just started crying. I had no idea why I just felt the need to cry. I felt I looked so pitiful, that all was over for me. I felt my family must be lying to me that I was worse than they said.

As soon as they left I asked my elder sister for a mirror. I wanted to see my face. My face was unscathed, and so was my head.

So I learnt to select my visitors I know those who made me feel hopeful and I was always looking forward to their visits.

I eliminated the pity party and those who felt it was not a big deal even though they were standing on their two legs.

I am not sure if to praise the cleaner or not because her actions finally made me stronger. However, they still haunt me and make me doubt when I’m alone.

Healing does not work well with doubts. It needs confidence, courage and strength which they would take away from you if you let them.

The ones you need are those who make you smile through your pain and make you hopeful even when there is no reason to be.

Those who weep with you in the pain, and remind you to smile to get more strength to cry again.

Those who walk with you and beside you through it all, who tell you your problem is big but you can rise above it.

They are the ones who remind you your determination could surpass your illness, challenges, trials and whatever situation you might find yourself.

How I Met The Love Of My Life

Let me tell you a story of how I met the love of my life. I have always wondered what this would feel like or what he would be like when I finally meet him.

Someone I can look at and call the love of my life.

Sometimes I would wonder if he has to be someone I love or someone who loves me. I don’t know how it works. But if I have to wonder or ask it only means I have not met or seen him. Right?

I never gave up on love, though. I kept trying, hoping and never stopped looking. Then I met someone, found him or he found me.

I’ve known him for a very long time but I never see the possibility. I have no idea if I was shortsighted then or perfectly fine.

He came back after my accident, and to say I was happy would be an understatement. I was only love could survive that long.

I was grateful. He came back, that was more than enough for me. And he was saying all the right things, all I needed to hear.

I felt on top of the world, blessed, proud; someone could love me that much after all the damages my body has passed through.

It was a time I wasn’t feeling anything like my old self. Crazy or on the edge was what I would describe myself as. So, yes I needed someone or so I thought.

I wanted to give him the world. He had given me everything so I promised in my heart I’d give him all.

I’m in love with myself.

But I was wrong

He was wrong. He was only doing me a huge favour, so he said. And he came to settle an old grudge. That, I came to understand.

So, I fell harder than when I had a disagreement with the truck. I swear I could hear my heart pop as it burst.

If you don’t love yourself you’ll always be chasing after people who don’t love you either.

Then I saw and heard more, those things that have always been there but I was too stupid to accept.

Life suddenly became too hot and suffocating. But I can’t afford depression or worse, there are people who need me to live.

So, instead I sat down and counselled myself. What would God think of me especially with the way I’m living the second chance He gave me? Why am I doing this to myself?

My answer? Because I don’t love myself. I don’t appreciate me and see me for who I am. I had stopped loving me, my body; I didn’t appreciate my strength, courage, triumph, intelligence and my life.

My body had been through so much. Permanent injuries, depression, PTSD, anxiety; I survived them all without drugs or therapy

My body and mind had been broken, shattered, yet I managed to keep the pieces from flooding out. I am bloody but unbowed.

olufunkekolapo.com

If I had loved myself, then I would know not to feel the need to be grateful someone looked at me. I would realise someone should be blessed to have me.

Work on being in love with the person in the mirror who has been through so much but is still standing.

I have had the pleasure of meeting myself and I love what I have seen; what I see. That was when I realised the love of my life has been beside me all along. Me!

I never knew falling in love with yourself could heal a broken heart. I am in love with myself and it is the best feeling ever.

Olufunkekolapo

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance

Oscar Wilde

When you love yourself, there is this feeling of satisfaction, fulfilment, joy and peace that surrounds you.

Self love is not selfish; you cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself.

It is Valentine, season of love, give yourself some. You deserve it and long overdue. Go to the SPA, fix your nails, get a new hairdo, buy yourself expensive gifts even before you get for your partner if you have one.

If you are single, you deserve it even more. Take yourself out, treat yourself to dinner. Because you know what, it takes a lot of courage and strength to be single.

Fall in love with who you are, appreciate who you were and celebrate who you are going to be. Because you have to live with yourself for as long as you live no matter who you end up with.

You can’t pour from an empty cup, take care of yourself first.

Let the romance begin with you.

Appreciate The Little Things

Appreciate the little things in life, take note of them, they make life meaningful. Sometimes, they usually appear so trivial that they are easily overlooked.

It is the little things that matter most. Although they come with ease, without effort, so much that we don’t give them much thought or appreciate them until they are no longer there.

We hardly give any attention to a sneeze or a yawn until it becomes a burden like when we have a cold or coming down with a virus.

No one thinks so much of a little thing like blinking until you have a peck in your eye or a boil on your eyelid.

These little things are so natural to us that we don’t think they’re worth attaching any importance to.

We don’t take time to appreciate sitting, getting up, passing a gas, sneezing, smiling or even a good morning from a friendly neighbour.

I learnt to appreciate some of these things when I had to be on bed for a while. I had to learn to get off the bed, to sit by myself.

The first time I sat for a whole five seconds, it felt as if I sat for a decade. I was shivering and sweating as if I was carrying a load of sand.

I got the chance to learn to walk a second time. I learnt to rise from sitting position. I couldn’t squat, I still can’t. I learnt to climb the stairs all over again. I still do that like a two year old by the way.

The funniest ones were learning to know to hold the pee and poo all over again. There was a time they had to wait and even pray that I passed gas.

I remember thinking how passing gas of all things could be so scarce or hard to call up. Those were the hardest.

And sneezing, that was after one of my surgeries. I wouldn’t stop sneezing and the doctors were scared it might rip my stitches. My sister would have to hold my sides and press on the surgery side every time I sneezed.

The first time I was able to sit and turn around to look outside the window. It was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. I watched for just a minute and it left me happier than I had been in a long time.

My only view at the time was the white ceiling, the lady on my left and the woman on the right side.

We don’t think so much of these little things. We only realise they were there when we can’t do them, like swallowing your saliva when you have sore throat. We don’t realise how many times we swallow till then.

Appreciate the little things when you still have them. Whenever I am in the shower and I feel the cold water on my hot or tired body, I’d mutter a “thank you for the gift of water.” I spent months without bathing. Whenever I crave it, I would comfort myself by imagining it.

Appreciate the little things

We should appreciate them all when we can. The little moment when we set eyes on our loved ones and we exchange small smiles, a baby’s smile or chuckle, a neighbours wave, partners nags, the small fights. We would surely miss them when they’re gone.

When you pull aside the curtains in the morning or when you step out and you’re gifted with beautiful sun rise. Pause, breathe and appreciate the beautiful sight before rushing on.

Listen to the breeze, look at the sky in the morning, the clouds, the stars at night. Don’t be too busy to live, to see and feel. These are what make life worth living.

Hug your kids a while longer than you used to, breathe in their air around them, hold the smile a while, don’t be in a hurry to rush out. They grow up fast.

Appreciate the little things

Learn to be thankful and grateful for everything. Enjoy and get to know all you have, all you can do, everything and everyone around you. Live, that’s what life is all about.

The things we take for granted are the gravest things to lose.

Olufunke Kolapo

10 Love Poems For You On Valentine

Everyone loves Valentine, it’s all about Love. I’m sure you do too. We get so busy sometimes we forget to appreciate the people in our lives and show them some love.

Even though you are still recovering from the biggest shopping holiday of the year, you’re already wondering how to make your loved ones happy this Valentine.

This is why I have compiled these Love poems for you to celebrate your love. You can put them in a card as a gift or add them to your surprise package.

I wrote this love poem in 2012

Like the warmth of the morning sun
So do thoughts of you embrace me
Revealing how alive I am

A glorious light of a new day
So is your presence in my life
Relieving it of its shadow
Marking the start of a new beginning.
10 Love Poems For You On Valentine.
You ignite my heart
Like the ray of sunshine
After the morning drizzle
If I could reach far enough
I would melt into you
Like droplets in the river
Till we know not where you end
Or I begin
Like Droplets
Time froze
Breath ceased
Hearts stopped
And stilled
When your lips
Grazed mine

This one is for the Little Angels.

Cute as a button
Soft as cotton
On my lonesome nights
You shine like a beacon
unborn
the color of love
is you and I
a perfect symphony
of sound
falling endlessly
like rain sprinkling
a piece of forever
silently etched
into the capsule
of time
black blue sky
 you
 and
 me,
wrapped in
sexy, secret darkness
In dream awake ~
to your wildest fantasies
You brought me sunshine
Where I only see rain
You brought me laughter
Where I only see pain
You brighten my sky
Like thousands of rainbow
On a cloudless rainless day
My ribbon of wishes
Bring my dreams alive
Wear me on your heart
Remember me
On your darkest night
Like the sky would
The tiniest star

“I Believe In Me,” Say It Until You Believe

I believe in me. Think it, mutter it, say it to yourself every day, over and over again until you believe it, and start living it.

The worst thing that can happen to you is to lose faith in yourself.
Don’t ever lose faith in you, in your abilities, your purpose, your goals, don’t lose faith in your dreams. They make you, YOU. Believe in you, You are all you’ve got.

For a while, I lost faith in myself, in everything I stood for, my principles, my belief, my hobbies, even in myself as a woman.

I could no longer see any good in all I’ve ever done, in my way of living. I would ask myself what I’d ever gained or benefited in doing things the way I used to.

Everything I had ever done, I started questioning them. I no longer believed in my judgment or wisdom.

So, I decided to change my ways, I started doing things in the exact opposite of what I used to believe to be right. I thought if I were so right before, I wouldn’t end up here now.

When I was done slaughtering everything I once stood for I was left with nothing but doubts, guilts, regrets, low self esteem and depression.

I became so insufficient and needy that I couldn’t decide the right cloth to wear without consulting someone else if it is appropriate for me.

I would ask over and over again to be sure I was doing the right thing. I became so fearful of making choices for myself because I no longer believed in me. That I am capable of being myself.

I started stumbling through life, looking up to someone else for guidance, for approval, doing only the things that would make them happy and accepting.

I would in turn take whatever I get because I have made myself believe, it was what I deserved or I should be grateful to even get what’s offered.

When you lose faith in yourself and no longer believe in your potentials and purpose, you have lost everything that makes you, you. You have lost yourself.

However, you cannot afford to lose faith in yourself. Do not doubt who you were because you can’t do anything about the past, or who you are, because you need it, that is, the present, to focus on who you are going to be.

You have come this far, believe you have the strength it takes to see it through, and you will.


“I believe in me.” Say it again, and again, then go out there and be the best you are meant to be.